Breaking Down

At Work

Mon, 25 Feb 2008 22:14:11 GMT

Wow been along time since i updated this. Lots to say i guess. Ill try it in short form since i dont feel like typing it all:

Maureen and todd had a baby boy named haydn
Wade and nicole got engaged at xmas
Cj and holly got married in the summer.
Krista and i split up and i am now with carmen. the one who i should have been with all along.

I hate city traffic and want to stab people who drive in it.

I think im clinicly depressed. Not sure why.

I think i need help.

***edit**

I am still not talking to nick and leanne. I tried emailing them a couple months ago but got no response. I guess i wasnt as important to them as they were to me.

Stoned And sitting in a Hotel

Thu, 15 Feb 2007 06:47:26 GMT

Well im sitting here in edmonton stoned and bored so i figured what the hell time to update. First news is mauereen and todd are pregnant and i wish them the best. There going to be great parents. cj is engaged to holly and they are planning to get married this summer. I wish them the best of luck. As for me Still to gun shy for that yet.

Otherwise lifes good. Work gave me another raise which will be fantastic. And come april my final loan payment goes in on the debt and i am done. Fuck will that feel good.

Anyhow im done this one. time for bed. wish someone was with me, but i cant go back now.

l8ter

Greatest Strip Ever

Thu, 30 Nov 2006 00:55:26 GMT

Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net

Grand prairie Sucks

Fri, 24 Nov 2006 00:14:42 GMT

Well herro herro,

So im sitting in the super 8 in grand prairie looking forward to comming home tomorrow and i figured i should do somthing to pass the time, So since i have nothing better to do teh journal update it is. So far work is still just as amazing now as it was a year ago. I have gotten a very good reputation with the ampm and with the clients and it showed when i got my raise this year, still not six figures but halfway to it so im not going to complain.

Ive seen alot of westren canada and met some amazing people. So far the best trip i have had was to vancouver island, but there have been some good times in winnipeg as well. I should have enought flyer miles to go to mexico by this time next year lol. So far i have been to the following places: Winnipeg (2nd Home now), Dawson creek (couldnt find joey), Thompson Manitoba (Middle of fucking nowhere), Nanimo (meth meth meth...meh), Vancouver Airport, Ft St John, Teulon (45 mins outside of winnipeg), Vermillion (Install Was Fun), Grand prairie (Closes at 11 like kimberley), Salmon arm and kelowna (vacation here i come...so fucking nice out there). Still havent managed to hit saskatchewan but im sure i will.....I wonder if dog river is ready for storepoint..only fans of corner gas will get that one. I think im going to try to do an entry for each place ive gone to. That way i can keep this updated and it will waste some time for me.

Still havent talked to nick or leanne. I wish them the best but otherwise they are dead to me. Otherwise not much to report, rent went up on the place krista and i have but thats life in calgary i guess.

Xmas is comming soon and once again i dont care, Its not that i dont like xmas but its just more stress and headache. But as always ill get more into the spirit of xmas when it truly comes alive on boxing day ....gotta love those sales.

I wish i had a guitar here. I miss playing.

Peace

Truffle Pigs

Sun, 02 Jul 2006 17:18:36 GMT

Matthew Good Band - Truffle Pigs Lyrics

Don't fail me now
Don't you even f**king think it
We're dead somehow
But somehow we're still breathing
The secret's out
But it's too loud to think it
Whatever drowns the counting machines out
That drive you to eat shit
Damn I'll bring them to their knees

Don't leave me now
Don't you even f**king think it
I'm not myself
But somehow I'm still being him
The secret's out
But it's too loud to think it
Whatever drowns the truffle pigs out
That drive you to eat shit
Damn I'll bring them to their knees
Jenn I'll bring them to their knee

Crossroads

Sun, 02 Jul 2006 16:59:51 GMT

Been far to long since i have added anything on this journal. Time to update on life love and the pursuit of happiness.

Work is going well. Im out of town alot and flying all over the country. The pager time sucks becase it really disturbs your life but the money gained from it makes it all worthwhile. I love my job and what i do and its been 7 months now. Quitting Air liquide and Coop was the best thing that has ever happend to me.

Life at home is another matter. Things with krista are not well and this relationship is going to end. I shouldnt be suprized and im not really. Its just a matter of time. Shes not the person i fell for anymore and as a result i dont want to be part of this relationship now. Its become so negitive that i dont even want to be a part of it. I told her last night that things need to change and if they didnt i was gone. In reality i dont think they are going to change regardless of time and its only a matter of when it will end not if.

Last night also marks an intresting addition to life. My friend cj is with this new woman named holly and is so happy. He and holly want to hook myself and her friend rochelle up and i met her for the first time last night. I dont know what it was about her but i havent stopped thinking about her. Its pretty bad when you have someone and your friends are telling you that you can move in with them and are trying to hook you up with someone else. Either that or its a sign.

I guess i just need to make a choice.

If I was beautiful like you, I would never be at fault...........

Wed, 25 Jan 2006 04:47:10 GMT

....I would walk in the rain between the rain drops, bringing traffic to a hault,

One of the lines from what i consider to be one of the greatest songs ever. This week marks the begining of a new chapter in my life. You see myself and my gf have decided to share the habitrail and move in together. Its seems only fitting that since i began this journal at the end of my previous experiance of living with someone i should add into it the begining of the next. Funnny its almost three years since my last experament with this and as a result i feel it is only right that i should reflect on the past 3 years and see what i have accomplished since.

One. I have fucked over 16 women in 3 years. This is only 5.333 per year but considering i know people that havent been with more then 1 person in 3 years this makes me quite the slut. Not that i care, im clean and i enjoyed each person i was with and would not change anything.

Two. I bought a new car. Its pimp. I like it alot. 2003 grand am. Pimp. Nuff said.

Three. I have gone back to school. Im am currently half way through a buisness degree which i plan to finish asap. Hoping to continue in september we shall see

Four. I am still just as in debt as before :( But i can deal with that because i had to go into debt to pay off the first one. Now that it is paid i will be alot better off becuase i will be able to pay it finally.

Five. I love my job. I finally got on with a company that treats me well and i feel very lucky to have had to opportunity. I can actually make a career out of it and that feels great.

Im sure there is alot more but the important things have stayed the same. No babies lol. In any case i hope that i keep this journal going as i feel its a great way to keep track of my life. Anyhow my pager just went off, stupid assholes cant run a computer.

Later

I ain't got regrets, i won't change a thing, and the man i am now is not the man i was then, as time goes by, i'll tell you my friend, Why ain't i bleeding

A letter I will never write....

Wed, 26 Oct 2005 02:19:40 GMT

To my roomates. Clean up after yourself's!!!!! I am tired of doing it. Stop leaving dishes in your room. Pay for the cleaning stuff and toilet papar once in a while. Stop slamming the fucking doors and Pay your part of the fucking bills. Stop eating my food, it was cool when we were all sharing and contributing but now its just me buying it and you eating it. If you didnt pay for it dont fucking touch it or ask first. I cant wait untill i dont have to live here anymore, if i talk to you afterwards i will be suprized.

To my former best friend and brother. Dont marry her, shes not right for you. I will probably never talk to you again after i move so good luck in life. You and i are not as close as we once were and that saddens me, but i cannot be around and see you with someone who dosent cherish you or treat you with the respect you deserve. I hope im wrong and that she changes and makes you happy but i dont see it in the realm of reality.

About time i updated

Wed, 12 Oct 2005 02:38:31 GMT

Anyhow in time all things must be done and so to i must update. A fair bit to report but i need to make this rather quick so it will be more like the highlights of life over the past little while. Kristin's funeral was alright but the priest turned it into a recruitment session so i was less then impressed. I dont think that the funeral was in the spirit of her life at all but then again funerals are for the living not the dead.

My ex finacee's old boss passed on the weekend i got back from kristin's funeral. I pretended to be upset for her sake but in actuality i have some pretty bitter feelings about that whole branch people on the tree of life so i thought it best i not attend her funeral.

Work is going alright i guess. Im still working all alone and im rather tired of it. My boss is a fucking retard who should not be in the position he's in, and truly i think he is only in the job becuase he has been around 20+ years. I swear he could not organize/manage a good shit even with the help of fiber hightned diet and a german couple. Im going to start looking into other avenues before i get to deep into the bullshit and politics. Its a great company to work for but it need some serious re-working of the chain of operations.

Anyhow till later.

You will be missed

Thu, 01 Sep 2005 22:49:30 GMT

For certain is death for the born
And certain is birth for the dead;
Therefore over the inevitable
Thou shouldst not grieve.
-Bhagavad Gita

Its taken a couple of days for me to decided to write about this and i still am unsure of what to write. I recived a phone call from my mother on monday afternoon that i am still reeling from and will be for some time. On august 29th a dear friend/former lover of mine was killed in a car accident. Her name is kristen and she and i were together on and off since i was in grade 8. The only reason we stayed friends after i moved is because she would not let our friendship die. Tonight im heading down to bc for the funeral and i am going to pay my last respects. My biggest regret is that she has left us to soon, and that she will be unable to see her young son grow up. A man should never have to bury his gf, even if she is no longer his, just as a parent should never have to bury a child.

goodbye sweetie, i will love you always.

Chris.

Update

Wed, 17 Aug 2005 02:40:07 GMT

Two tires fly. Two wail.
A bamboo grove,all chopped down.
From it, warring wings.

Evening folks long time no update. A fair bit to fill you in on so ill get right into it. My new job is still going fantastic and i enjoy it more each day. My boss has decided that i would be a good canidate to run our north location with my store management experiance so i have been transfered to that store and will be running it untill futher notice. Im feeling very good about this considering that i only started with them a month ago. The more time i spend working for this company the more i feel i made a good desision in leaving my previous job. Although there are times i miss co-op, not for the job but the people.

Along with work has come a sudden increase in my pay scale. Now i had an idea of what to expect but you never really understand how much of a change it really makes untill you experiance it. Its weird to be once again ahead on my bills and to be able to enjoy life. Not to mention that the weekends off are an extreme enjoyment. Its nice to get off work at night and have work end. I dont get called at home for things and if i need to be off early for some reason i can just go. Another bonus is i already know the direction that i wish to head with the company and when i mentioned it they actually said what do you need to know to get there, just ask and we will show you.

Life in the outside work respect has been awsome as well. Ive been playing alot of guitar these days, largely because i went and bought a new one, but ive actually gotten to the point where i can middle my way through a song or to. Now this isent a huge accomplishment by any means but its a sign to me that life is on the right track. Another thing that has happend is that i met someone. We have been seeing each other for about 3 weeks now and its going well. Things are nice and casual and i can actually be myself around her. Plus the fact that she has a good head on her shoulders is a bonus for sure.

In all i would have to say life is good. Im actually happy again and this time its genuine and not a front.

LAter for now.

Chris

And the scar will become a symbol

Mon, 04 Jul 2005 05:31:50 GMT

I have the candles lit and the insence burning. I think it is time to write. Tommorrow markes the begining of a new chapter in my personal evolution, not to mention my career. I begin my new job tommorrow and i am scared, not because of the job, i know that im going to blow them away. Im more scared for how much my life will change because of it. Just going to a standard monday to friday schedlule is going to be a huge change. I will finally be able to plan for my life and not have to try to work it in around my job. This means that i can start hikeing on the weekends like i have wanted to, i can finally take more classes to finish my program at sait and most of all i can finally give the time to a relationship that i couldnt before.

The money aspect is going to make a large change for me as well. The fact that i got a 7000 a year pay raise just to my base salary is going to make alot of change in my life. Ill finally be able to clear up my debt load and actually get ahead for once. It looks weird just reading that but its the truth i will actually be able to pay my bills and not be check to check now.

My holidays were great and my father and i talked and he apoligized for being an asshole. He told me that he just worries about me and that he knows that i am makeing the right choice and that he is proud of me. This almost put me into tears.

Now all i need to do is find that one person. And to be honest i think i have but i dont know how to tell her or if she feels the same way. I wish that i had some kind of sign that she wants to be with me. Oh well all things come in time and im sure the answer will as well.

Night all.

Life changes Yet again

Tue, 21 Jun 2005 18:10:09 GMT

So i quit my job yesterday after over 6 years. I found that i couldnt hold out till the end of the week and i pulled the plug. Looking back on it i was being foolish by giving 3 weeks notice like i did. I dont know what i was thinking. Maybe it was the small sense of loyalty i felt to them still. In any case im done. It felt nice to leave and hear people telling me that they would miss me and that they were happy for me as they new how badly screwed over i was there. I was called by a few managers and they all told me best of luck and that i should have been givivn somthing more then i was. Its hard to belive that after 6 years i no longer have a set of keys to the buisness. Of course my dad was a dick about it and thinks i burned a bridge when i left, no matter what i say to him he dosent think i left on good terms. He just dosent understand but then again he never did understand me or my life. Nobody seems to.

The guides In Me Honor The Guides In You

Tue, 07 Jun 2005 08:29:44 GMT

Well news to report!. I have a new job with air liquide Inc. I sign all the paperwork on tuesday and then put in my notice with coop that evening. Im giving between 3 weeks to a months notice. Im excited and happy and nervous all at once. These are exciting times. Anyhow i need to go to bed its 2:30 and i havent done my Qigong yet.

She Drives Me Crazy.....ANd i Love it

Sat, 21 May 2005 20:32:27 GMT

I can’t stop
The way I feel
Things you do
Don’t seem real
Tell you what I got in mind
’cause we’re runnin’ out of time
Won’t you ever set me free?
This waitin’ ’rounds killin’ me

She drives me crazy
Like no one else
She drives me crazy
And I can’t help myself

I can’t get
Any rest
People say
I’m obsessed
Everything that’s serious lasts
But to me there’s no surprise
What I have, I knew was true
Things go wrong, they always do

She drives me crazy
Like no one else
She drives me crazy
And I can’t help myself

I won’t make it,
On my own
No on likes,
To be alone

She drives me crazy
Like no one else
She drives me crazy
And I can’t help myself

Uh huh huh

She drives me crazy
Like no one else
She drives me crazy
And I can’t help myself

Uh huh huh

She drives me crazy
Like no one else
She drives me crazy
And I can’t help myself

You know who you are.

When the president talks to god - Bright Eyes

Sat, 07 May 2005 19:18:31 GMT

"When the President Talks to God"

When the president talks to God
Are the conversations brief or long?
Does he ask to rape our women's' rights
And send poor farm kids off to die?
Does God suggest an oil hike
When the president talks to God?

When the president talks to God
Are the consonants all hard or soft?
Is he resolute all down the line?
Is every issue black or white?
Does what God say ever change his mind
When the president talks to God?

When the president talks to God
Does he fake that drawl or merely nod?
Agree which convicts should be killed?
Where prisons should be built and filled?
Which voter fraud must be concealed
When the president talks to God?

When the president talks to God
I wonder which one plays the better cop
We should find some jobs. the ghetto's broke
No, they're lazy, George, I say we don't
Just give 'em more liquor stores and dirty coke
That's what God recommends

When the president talks to God
Do they drink near beer and go play golf
While they pick which countries to invade
Which Muslim souls still can be saved?
I guess god just calls a spade a spade
When the president talks to God

When the president talks to God
Does he ever think that maybe he's not?
That that voice is just inside his head
When he kneels next to the presidential bed
Does he ever smell his own bullshit
When the president talks to God?

I doubt it

I doubt it

Single Again

Thu, 05 May 2005 08:41:26 GMT

Ended things with the gf tonight. Dont feel bad about it either, she just wasent the right on. She started getting possesive and clingy and i just dont go for that. Plus i couldnt stop thinking about someone else, To bad im not talking to her anymore.

WTF!?

Tue, 03 May 2005 18:11:14 GMT

Sent to me over Msn Today:

"I just wanted to say that it has been a pleasure to be your friend and while I had wished it could last, I know that it just isn't. Relationships are exciting things that require two people to actually be involved. I can say without hesitation that we are not really involved. You seeminly put me on the outside and that's fine - but I wish you could have told me. It had been really hard to see you transition from talking to me everynight to never being there to share in those great moments. I guess what I am trying to say is that relationships are funny things.

There are those that open you up to something new and exotic. Those that are old and familiar
Those that bring up lots of questions. Those that bring you somewhere unexcepted.

Those that bring you far from where you started.

And there are those that end
I want to thank you for the summer and everything that you did. You were so needed and I love you for everything that you have done.

You have once been a good friend to me. And it is unfair that I continue to beleive that you will suddenly, magically be that friend again."

Now i will admit that i did put this person on the back burner but not without my reasons. But at no time was i not willing to be there for her. Yes it does take two people to maintain a friendship and i did stop calling everynight, she found a bf and i didnt want to seem as though i was trying to move in on someone elses women (although i would have loved to cuz she is amazing). But the fact remains that she could have called me as well as its not like my main numbers have changed.

If she has decided to end our friendship then so be it. That is not the desision i would have made and although she may not have thought so i do value our friendship. I cant help it if our schedules did not match up and that my work schdule has been changed drasticly from what it was. Its not just her who i dont see. I have 2 roomates that i can go 4 days at a time without seeing and we live together. And my gf i havent seen in a week now because things are so hectic.

Now im not saying that its not my fault as yes i could have put out more effort as i think everyone could. But that works both ways. I always though that a true friendship didnt have to have a begining or an ending just the knowlage that even if you didnt talk to someone for months you could still call them and that they would still care about you. I guess perseption is diffrent for everyone.

Do you believe In what you feel

Wed, 06 Apr 2005 06:46:36 GMT

Well here goes another exciiting installment of my life. For the past week i have not been able to sleep at all. Life has been going exceptionally well and im kinda scared because of that. I got reccomended for my promotion and am currently waiting for them to set up the interviews. Ive lost a pants size from working out and i feel alot better about myself. School is almost done till septemeber and otherwise life is good. Ive been having alot of sex lately which has been non fullfilling but passes the time. Otherwisw im pretty content i just wish that things would get moving on this freaking promotion.

Wow a month already

Tue, 08 Mar 2005 05:19:22 GMT

well hello again and welcome to another installment of crap from my ever running mind. I guess the more intresting things are that i have once again broken my vow of not just screwing random women as there have been another 3 this past month. My friends think its quite cool and think i should contiune this trend for as long as i can. I am of the other opinion. I dont want to keep doing this but somtimes its just to pornorific to pass up, i mean who in there right mind would pass up an offer of getting drunk and laid in a hottub. In any case i have decided that i need to curtail this behavior so i will once again attempt to go a month without getting laid. I figure the month is the turning point so that is my goal....unless something really freaking amazing presents itself... then its on. I also have found out that if i attempt a relationship with anyone then i need to ensure that i dont screw them within the first 12 hours of meeting. I find that if i do this then they automaticly become in the words of metal gear "just a box". I think thats one of the reasons why everyone since i met since jenn has just been a fuck buddy. So far the trend i see is if im intrested in the woman and i dont sleep with her the first 3 weeks then things tend to progress to more of a relationship standpoint and i actually begin to care for them. This will be a great test as i have met 4 wonderfull women in the past could of weeks online and things are now to the point were we being meeting each other face to face. There is one in particular named miranda who i am rather intrested in. For some reason she has definatly peaked my intrest in a very good fashion. She suprized me today and came past my work and we met for the first time. It was great and we are going to try to get toghter tommorrow night for coffee after shes off work and im done school. Here's hoping things work out.

I guess the next biggest thing is i bought a bowflex and i have actually stuck to my plan of useing it. Its quite an amazing piece of machine and i would be lying if i said it didnt kick my ass the first few days. Its gotten much better now and im really begining to enjoy the burn im getting from it. I want to lose alot of this weight by summer as well as build up my muscles. I can already feel my arms getting a little bigger from it and my abs feel alot stronger although they dont show it yet... but they will:)

School is going well although i find the class very boring. I think that its because of the teacher i have becuase honestly this chick shoudl take her own advice. The other night were sitting in class and shes telling us when making presentations its important to monitor the audiance reactions and adjsut your presentations accordingly, Meanwhile half the class has left and the rest of us are slowly falling asleep. Maybe she should have listen to what she was teaching. I cant wait till this class is done and im back into more intresting classes.

Work is hectic and kind of a pain in the ass. But not much i can do other then stick it out for now. IM looking at other jobs right now but im not taking anything seriously untill i know what happens with the bursaries i applied for through work. 2000 bucks will pay for alot more school and that is fine by me.

Anyhow i need to get up at 4 in the moring so ill catch you later

The shadow on the sun

Mon, 31 Jan 2005 20:58:33 GMT

Well its been about a month since i have updated this so i figure that i should at least take some time to do so. Im currently just at the begining of 2 weeks holidays and thus far it has been great. I have managed to finish putting away all of the boxes and crap in the new place, went out for my buddies birthday and just genrally relaxed. The move out of the old place went really well and im getting as good portion of my damage back so im pleased. I was talking to melissa about it at pauls party and she offerd to pay me any of the diffrence that i didnt get back. I told her no becuase she haddent lived there in 2 years and that it was fine. I also spent some time talking to her new bf peter. Hes a really nice guy and everyone was shocked that he and i were sitting there bullshitting. They invited me to there superbowl party this weekend and i may go but i havent decided. In any case its nice to be back in the social swing of things again. I saw alot of my old friends at pauls party and it was weird. I never knew how many people missed me but my phone got stolen and when i eventually got it back that night there were a whole bunch of new numbers in it. Needless to say i have a few phonecalls to make. I finally went to my public relations class after missing the first 2 weeks. It was pretty good and i seem to have a natural feel for the matirial or at least thats what my teacher says.

So my friends are all trying to hook me up with a woman named erin. I am not unopposed to the idea so im going to see where things go as i am throughly tired of what i have been doing up untill this point. This month alone i have fucked 3 diffrent woman and while the fact that in some small male way that is impressive, i find that in the bigger picture i am totally unfullfilled by this. I have come to the conclusion that im not going to put out anymore becuase it seems like when im seeing someone and things get psyical the next day all they want is a fuck buddy and nothing more. Not that its that bad of a situation becuase i can get some at anytime i wish but when your not looking for just a fuck it is very unfullfilling outherwise. But i went and got checked out the other day and have a clean bill of health so now that im at that point im not going to sleep with anyone else untill i see where things go with erin or for that matter anyone else.

Work is good, myself and tony are about to begin a manual that will completely change the how the training is handled at the gas bars. When its done it will just be another addition to my otherwise impressive file, but for now it will keep me occupied becuase really thats what chris needs. Anyhow im going to end off here as its time to go do my daily workout and then crack the homework being as i have 10 chapters to read by tommrrow.

later

Only God Knows Why

Fri, 31 Dec 2004 08:48:20 GMT

I've been sittin' here
trying to find myself
i get behind myself
i need to rewind myself
looking for the payback
listen for the playback
they say that every man
bleeds just like me
and i feel like number one
but yet i'm last in line
i watch my younger son
and it helps to pass the time
i take to many pills
it helps to ease the pain
i made a couple dollar bills
but still i feel the same
everybody knows my name
they say it way out loud
a lot of folks fuck with me
it's hard to hang out in crowds
i guess that's the price you pay
to be some big shot like i am
out skirt stands and one night stands
still i can't find love

And when your walls come tumbling down
I will always be around

People don't know about the things
i say and do they don't understand
about the relationship that i've
been through, it's been so long
since i've been home i've been gone,
i've been gone for way too long
maybe i forgot all the things I miss
Oh somehow I know there's more to life
than this, I said it too many times
and i still stand firm you get what
you put in and people get what they
deserve, still i ain't seen mine
No I ain't seen mine
I've been giving just ain't been gettin'
I've been walking down that line
So I think I'll keep walking
with my head held high
i'll keep moving on and only God
knows why

Only God... only God
Only God knows why
Only God... knows ... why, why, why only
God knows why
Take me to the river hey
Take me to the river

Long Long Way To Go

Fri, 17 Dec 2004 09:09:23 GMT

Good evening and welcome back to the show. Going to be a short update tonight but a good one. I found out jsut who fucked me over for the mangers position and im not suprized at who or why. Needless to say it has givin me more motivation to beat this and get the job next time, mostly for the big fuck you it will be to them when i do. School is almost done, i have 1 more exam monday and then im finished for this term. I still dont know if i am going back next term but heres hoping. Xmas is getting closer although i could really give a shit anymore. IM looking forward to all the new found overtime i have picked up. Overtime = Bling Bling for chris and really who dosent enjoy a little more bling now and again. Trish and i still talk all the time but the enjoyment is not there for me anymore.

Went over to my buddy cjs house last night. Drank 3 bottles of wine and had a great time. Were going to be getting together on the 23rd as well for some more wine and a good guitar session. Im very much looking forward to it. I need to hang out with him more.

Got a very suprizing phone call tonight from katie. Seems her and clayton are having trouble and so she called to talk (see jenn your not the only one who does it). It was nice to talk to her even though the subject matter was not the best. I Hope things work out for her and him becuase she really loves him although to be honest is part of me wishes it was me with her and not him. But like everything in life it will happen if it is supposed to be so i guess i just need to wait.

Melissa and i are going out on monday after my exam for coffee. It should be a good time and im glad were really starting to build on this friendship we have started.

Other then that not much else to report. Life is pretty uneventfull otherwise. I may send katie the address to this journal so she can add her 2 cents in here, Could make for some intresting reading anyhow.

What else can happen?

Sat, 11 Dec 2004 18:59:03 GMT

Well to add to the fun week i have had i figured out last night that i cannot go home for xmas. Becuase i did my job and fired the one guy this week it has totally fucked me from being able to take any time off to go home for xmas. After looking at the schedule the only way i can keep my store running witout major problems is to cancel my holidays and cover the shortage myself. So lets recap, in one week i fired a good friend, lost my gf and now cannot take the holidays i have been looking forward to for over 4 months. The pity offers have started to come in from people asking me to spend xmas with them now. I have turned them all down becuase really if i dont have my own xmas i really dont want to sit on the outside and watch someone else's.

Only 3 more weeks till this fucking year is over.

When someone seems to good to be true they usually are.

Fri, 10 Dec 2004 09:08:28 GMT

Well here we go again, Once i again i meet an amazing woman, have an instant connection with her, we get along great and everything seems right. Then just like ususal 2 weeks into it she relaizes that shes not ready for a relationship and i get the standard "your an amazing guy and i want to stay friends and evertually i do want to be with you but right now its not the right time for me" speech. Ladies hear me now if you are not ready for a relationship with someone then dont show intrest in someone and start one. All it does is fuck them up afterward when you end it 2 weeks later because your not over the first guy. When your with someone for a a few years you very rarely can just move on a few months later. Take the time to sort out yourself before you try and move on because all you do is set someone else back otherwise. I am truly tired of being the rebound guy but it seems like everytime i meet someone thats all that happens. I guess what confuses me the most is ive been told im exactly what they need, want and are looking for. But if that were true why am i single now and why when they are ready to be with someone does it seem like they always go for the guy who treats them like shit in the end. I guess im screwed becuase i will never be able to be that kind of boyfriend, husband for anyone. I have to much respect for my partners for that.

a tout le monde, a tout les amis, je vous aime, je dois partir
these are the last words ill ever speak, and they'll set me free.